Hip-Hop ‘92 + Dejå Vu: A Dynasty Audio Companion

Hip-Hop ‘92 + Dejå Vu: A Dynasty Audio Companion featuring: GANG STARR • PETE ROCK & CL SMOOTH • BOOGIE DOWN PRODUCTIONS • FU-SCHNICKENS • ERIC B & RAKIM • GRAND PUBA • THE DISPOSABLE HEROES OF HIPHOPRISY • ULTRAMAGNETIC MC’S • BEASTIE BOYS ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT • DIVINE STYLER • DAS EFX ICE CUBE • KOOL & THE GANG • IKE & TINA TURNER THE TURTLES •JIMI HENDRIX • JAMES BROWN + MORE

2022 Calendar is Out Now!

Darlings,

Do you know what time it is? Likely! (Mad props to WATCHES, CLOCKS, and SUNDIALS.) But do you know what DAY OF THE YEAR IT IS and what days preceded this day and what days will follow it and what number-days line up with week-days? YOU DON’T. Fear not, WE HAVE CREATED THE PRODUCT/ PERFECT GIFT for this nearly impossible conundrum!!!

Unveiling… the DYNASTY 2022 WALL/FLOOR/COUNTER/SURFACE CALENDAR!!!!!!!!!!!

Because it’s like, what do you get the person who has everything? THE DYNASTY 2022 CALENDAR. Unless they are a super shady employee at PRINTCENTERUSA.COM they do not have it yet. CUZ IT JUUUUST CAME OUT. We literally HAVE NOT SHIPPED ANY AT THIS POINT SO THIS IS A REALLY SAFE BET.

The Dynasty 2022 Calendar is Perfect for:

Time nerds!

Comedy lovers!

Venue heads!

Wealthy CEOs who want to WaLk on the WiLd SyDe and show their wealthy guests they are still HIP.

Hamster owners!

Design freaks!

People who LOVE the performance scene in LA!

People who MISS the performance scene in LA!

Anyone who’s ever given you a shartstorm of a gift! This calendar is a growth opportunity. Show them how the season is done right.

Once you’re back in your seat (after the “standing O” you certainly gave this news) we’d love to take a moment to tell you about a UNIQUE OPPORTUNITY to make money from home (if your workplace allows teleworking) while organizing your days with a calendar.

What makes The Dynasty calendar different from other calendars? GLAD YOU ASKED.

Liberties have been taken with BORING MONTH NAMES

Multiple photos of your favorite performers EVERY SINGLE MONTH.

A Wall-Puncturing NAIL with every purchase!

Exciting NEW holidays that other calendars would be too SCARED to include!

It helps support a local theater that’s still trying to make sense of the universe in the midst of an ever-evolving PANDEMIC. ;)

One full, EXTRA, SECRET month!

LIMITED EDITION means that this can be considered an INVESTMENT! Will it pay off? TIME WILL TELL. And by its very nature, this calendar… TELLS TIME!

Some other calendars can only display on certain types of walls. :( We said FLARP THAT. The Dynasty 2022 Calendar is a beautifully SURFACE-INCLUSIVE addition to ALMOST ALL WALLS including: Buttressing walls, cavity walls, compartment walls, curtain walls, dwarf walls, and OTHER WALL TYPES.

Does your wall LOOK PUFFY???

Hang your calendar at an angle for SLIMMING DEFINITION.

Does your wall LOOK FLIMSY?

Thicken her up by hanging two or more calendars!

Does your wall size LOOK PERFECT?? Enhance perfection with an artfully placed calendar. (“Calendars are to walls what cherries are to Sundaes.” -Norman RockWall)

Worth noting: ANIMALS LOVE THIS CALENDAR!

Also, we realize that Dynasty Darlings (you!) come in all shapes and sizes and so do your dwellings! Our calendars look great and HANG WELL in APARTMENTS, MANSIONS, TREE HOUSES, MIXED USE ENCLAVES, WORK/LIVE SPACES, BASIC HUTS, COMPLEX HUTS, EMPLOYEE BREAK ROOMS, CASTLES, KIDS ROOMS, TEENS ROOMS, CONVALESCENT HOMES, FUSION RESTAURANTS, SYNAGOGUES, END OF DAYS BUNKERS, TOWN HALLS, JAIL CELLS, LOCAL HERITAGE MUSEUMS, DORM ROOMS (STUDENT), DORM ROOMS (RESIDENT ASSISTANT), EMPORIUMS, COMPETING THEATERS, FOOD SERVICE AREAS, WATER MAINTENANCE OFFICES, ROTARY CLUB SPACES, PUBS (high-end and low-end), PARLORS FOR HAIR, PARLORS FOR BEAUTY, SPECIALTY SHOPS, PARLORS FOR MAGIC, DEALERSHIPS of ALL TYPES, CONDOMINIUMS, OSTERIAS, CASINOS, BARNS, BOILER ROOMS, and did we say EMPORIUMS? If we did, GOOD, because EMPORIUMS are HOT RIGHT NOW.

A STORY OF TRUTH: Someone once got one of our calendars and put it up and then won OVER 1 TRILLION DOLLARS in a LOCAL LOTTERY.

Here’s an “An Imagine This™” exercise to promote the calendar. THIS TERRIBLE situation would only happen if you DIDN’T have this calendar. Imagine This: You’re hosting a dinner party (10 couples), and you put out a MASSIVE charcuterie plate that you’d been working on FOR A WEEK. People are really loving the spread. You overhear someone say “Wow.” You start BEAMING because you feel appreciated for the first time in a WHILE. It feels really NICE. One of the couples approaches you and asks where you got the perfectly curated selection of meats, vegan meats, cheeses, vegan cheeses, nuts, crackers, breads, and spreads. This is your chance to have a meaningful connection over work you did. BUT you forgot the names of the shops you used! You used 4 specialty shops that you’d never visited before and their newness combined with your social anxiety and general forgetfulness has left you conversationally IMPOTENT. But wait! You remember that you wrote down the location in your calendar! You go to find your calendar and realize - you threw it out because it was SO UGLY. Now your new friends have TRUST ISSUES with you because now they don’t know if your selection was ethically/locally sourced and HEIGHTENED SUSPICIONS ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER because… why would you just not know?! There are MURMURINGS around the party. People start leaving. One person tries to gag out the food because there is now a rumour it was poisoned. IT WASN’T! YUH-OH! If only you’d had the charcuterie place written on your Dynasty calendar, this would have all been avoided because you would have kept it because it was so pretty. And THAT’S THE DYNASTY (CALENDAR) DIFFERENCE™.

If this note wasn’t enough to convince you to put your CLICKER FINGER TO USE and GET YOUR CALENDAR, we fear nothing will be.

Click-click,

VanJam

Dynasty Did NEW YORK!?

Darling babe-magnets,

How are you? We love to hear it! (We’re pretending you said “Great!!!” in response to “How are you?”) We’re doing well, living life, and grateful for all the easy things and learning to be appreciative of the inevitable GROWTH OPPORTUNITIES lady life lobs at us. Jamie and Vanessa went to NEW YORK CITY last week! The buildings are tall! The people? A delightful melange. The rats are brazen, yet not without their own charm. We put on a show at The Bell House (5 stars would recommend) and it was such a wild rumpus of joy! MICHELLE BUTTEAU dropped in, CHASE DUROUSSEAU hosted with unmatched enthusiasm, HARI KONDABOLU was a delight, JO FIRESTONE lived up to the fire AND the stone in their name (elementally wild, yet grounded!) WYATT CENAC did his first performance in YEARS and killed, JES TOM had a great set and ALSO a great Nirvana  jam session with the band, and LARRY OWENS did what LARRY OWENS does and our deep affection for him grows with every performance, regardless of the coast. OhHhhhh the band. CHRIS ROB led the three piece band that was so good you’d just…. freak out and dance. Which everyone did. We are now looking forward to figuring out more ways to be more present in a city we love so much. Maybe we can be apartment brokers? We hear that’s a profitable racket. 

And now, let us look to the future! You’re all so flarpin’ wonderful and it’s with that in mind that we bring you these offerings, made by dreamboats, for dreamboats. Sail away, babe. 🙌🧞‍♀️⛵️

THURSDAY 8 PM It’s BLAIR SOCCI’s  Dear Owen Wilson! Based on a letter Blair wrote to Owen Wilson in 2007 after his suicide attempt telling him how much she loved him and appreciated him, the show will feature comedians reading a letters to the celebrities of their choice. Featuring.. CALEB HEARON, ROB HAZE, ATSUKO, DAVE MERHEJE, GRETA TITELMAN and RON FUNCHES!

FRIDAY 8 PM: The legendary EVERYTHING’S GREAT! Hosted by the trio with the mostio ADDIE WEYRICH, NICK KOCHER, and DEMI ADEJUYIGBE this show is full of all the good things: surprises, laughter, and it’s a veritable vibe machine. SOLOMON GEORGIO, MOLLY AUSTIN, LOU WILSON, + MORE!

SATURDAY all day and evening! Dynasty is delighted to host the in-person events for The WRITER’S GUILD FOUNDATION FESTIVAL! The schedule is bonkers and wonderful;  including an advanced screening of Amazon Studios film The Tender Bar, an interactive hour with BRENT FORRESTER dedicated to writing The Comedy Pilot, and back-to-back panels with HBO Max’s Drama and Comedy showrunners. End the day with a night of enchantertainment curated by Dynasty Typewriter featuring MEGAN STALTER, CRISTELA ALONZO, LANGSTON KERMAN, WILL MILES, and MOSES STORM. Hot tip: Dynasty newsletter subscribers get 25% off virtual passes and tickets with the promo code: WGFRIENDS. All day pass here! Individual events here!

SUNDAY 7pm: DARRELL HAMMOND! Yes, THAT Darrell Hammond! The SNL alumni, master of impressions, and host of The Third Person Podcast is coming to Dynasty! Grab your seats!

TUESDAY 8pm: It’s Mitch & Drew and We’ve Never Felt Younger! MITCH SILPA and DREW DROEGE are wildly wonderful on their own… TOGETHER?! It’s gonna be a lottt… in the best way. Younger than springtime, and twice as exciting! Mitch Silpa and Drew Droege invite you to a fresh evening of relaxed pleasure, featuring the Two Old Queens Who’ve Just A Minute To Catch Up, plus a handful of newborn sketches. Dive in for rejuvenation!

We love you, come over!

VanJam

Photo Recap: JFL New Faces 2021 — Hosted By Pete Holmes

Photos by Troy Conrads

Dynasty is BACK n' STACKED! July shows that'll make you go, "whooooahhh!"

Darlings,

Vanessa and Jamie here. Oh how we’ve missed you all so much! We are SO excited about our July reopening! We think the schedule speaks for itself- big, WONDERFUL, things are coming. And we’ll get to experience them all TOGETHER. We were going to write more… but last week, as we were cleaning out the theater in preparation for reopening, we found a box of books in our bunker. Inside were works by various Dynasty family members written on various Dynasty Typewriters.

One of them was a well-worn sci-fi paperback from 1961 entitled Suspended Orbit. As we read through, we couldn’t believe it. The story, 60 years old, felt eerily familiar and exactly appropriate. We hope you enjoy this excerpt.

We flarpin' LOVE you,
VanJam

🚨PS - We just released more tickets to MARC MARON and RACHEL BLOOM shows! 🤯🤯

Photo Recap: Dynasty Relaunch w/ Maria Bamford

Last night was ✨ MAGIC ✨. We couldn’t have asked for a more lovely welcome back than @mariabamfordcomedy’s brilliance. Corn was popped! People were kind and grateful! We got to be TOGETHER. LIFE WAS SURREAL. Everyone got a Record of Re-Entry, we cried, and we recited an incantation... because Dynasty’s gone corporate honnnney. Thank you 📸: @troyconrads 🔥

Dynasty Re-Opening?! With BAMFORD?! MARON!? Yes. PLUS: I guess we’re HIRING!

Darlings,
 

SURREAL. Too good to be true? Too long-awaited to be NOT true? Too many emotions and none of them penetrating the pandemic shells we grew to protect us from collapsing under the pressures of the constant barrage of wild happenings of the last 14 months? YES, THAT. But, great news: these feelings/numbness are due to the fact that WE'RE ABOUT TO BE PUTTIN' ON SHOWWWWS AGAIN, FOLKS!!! (IN OUR PHYSICAL THEATER!) We'll get more to the emotions n' such in future correspondences, but let's just rip off the Band-Aid and get to what's coming up! Yowch n' yeehah! 
 

NEXT WEEK our soft re-opening begins and we are thrilled to announce we'll be warmin' up our beloved venue with a warm up show with one of the planet's most beloved performers, MARIA BAMFORD!!! Maria will be dustin' off at Dynasty this Wednesday, May 12th at 4pm! We couldn't ask for a better (non-denominational) rechristening! Let us say this again... MARIA BAMFORD WILL BE PERFORMING FOR A LIVE AUDIENCE AT DYNASTY THIS WEDNESDAY.* 🤩 ❤️ 🥳 ❤️ 🤯

The soft re-opening continues MAY 17-25th as we are excited to be hosting several Just For Laughs New Faces Auditions!* Come see the next generation of top comedians and characters as they dust off their acts and hit the stage for the opportunity to perform at this years JFL Montreal Comedy Festival!

AND the NON-SOFT re-opening begins in July with MUCH to unveil. Our first unveiling? We'll do it right ding-dang-now. A MARC MARON residency kicking off on July first! Get your tickets now - pretty sure these are going to sell out quickly! Let us say it again... MARC MARON WILL BE PERFORMING FOR A LIVE AUDIENCE AT DYNASTY IN JULY.* 🤩 ❤️ 🥳 ❤️ 🤯

So... wow. From the most established and beloved performers to the new and be'crushed twinkling stars of tomorrow, we're fully excited to be moving into the very near future with enchanting offerings that will cause us to weep salty, salty tears onto our lap-corn, increasing it's flavor AND it's emotional heft. And making for an unparalleled soft-chew experience™.
 
Oh, we can't wait to delight you and be delighted. Speaking of both of those things, we are looking for Darlings to be engines and beacons of delight! Van wanted to put up UTILITY YEARNED posters, but Jam thinks HELP WANTEDis more straightforward, easy to understand, and generally less disgusting to say. (Van thinks the disgust factor is actually a really intriguing inroad to potential relationships, but had to concede that it was.. weird and likely not super effective.) Anyway, if you like what we do, like doing things, are a good person, let us know! We are looking for some new team members. Potential positions range from poptending' ticket taking night staff, social media manager, general manager and maybe more! Let us say it again.. UTILITY YEARNED! APPLY! 🤩 ❤️ 🥳 ❤️ 🤯

We still LUV the NET and here are 2 livestreams that we encourage THE ENTIRE WORLD to watch. (No proof of vaccination required, hun!)

TONIGHT! We have likely the last online DYNASTY CONFIDENTIAL! The show hosted by the most beautiful, talented and if the job requires, artfully ruthless man on the planet JOEL KIM BOOSTER listening to comics spillll secrets they've never told before. QUINTA BRUNSON, GRETA TITELMAN, SAM TAGGART, NORI REED, CALEB HEARON plus a rando with a freak-seec (freaky secret) from the internet. Babe. What's not to be obsessed with!?

TUESDAY everyone's favorite Jon Daly, JON DALY, is going to be 💰 GIVING 💴 AWAY 💵 CASHHHHHH (via Venmo!) 👏 Winning is simple. YOU CALL? YOU GET MONEY. JON DALY'S I VENMO U MONEY. Call during the show, or call before and leave a message. It's both weird AND straightforward.

Earnin' burnin' and yearnin', 
VanJam

*All in-person shows will be be at limited capacity and all attendees must provide proof of vaccination.

One Year of Pandemic, So Many Lessons Learned

Hello Darlings,

Today, March 12th, marks the one year anniversary of the day we shut down our theater. The first months of 2020 had been incredibly exciting for us. We had been open just over 2 years! Our calendar was more packed than ever! We had just designed and finished our podcast studio and installed a professional movie screen! Our operations were really starting to gel! Everything had a positive forward momentum! We felt unflarpinstoppable! And then—

Errrrrp!

We, like so many others, just... stopped.

And now here we are 12 months later, celebrating an anniversary that brings with it the weight and reflection of an incredibly difficult and wild year. While we are eager to jump into a million things we can't wait to do once we get on the other side of all this, we'd be remiss not to first acknowledge and take stock of what we actually gained and learned. And it was a lot! The confines of social restrictions actually propelled certain types of personal growth, and we're hoping to hang onto as many lessons as possible as we reintegrate into new-new "normal" life.

So, to you, our sweet sweet darlings, who at the very least haven't unsubscribed from these missives and at the very most actually READ them (bless you!) we present to you a few Dynasty takeaways from this most tumultuous season. Maybe you can use them in business, life, or as heady, verbose notes to leave in an unsuspecting child's lunchbox when you just don't have yer own in ya. Or maybe you'll just shout "AMEN!" and feel a little less alone because you're on a parallel journey.
 

Four Mixed-Metaphor Lessons From One Year of Pandemic
by VanJam

LESSON 1: 🐕 Even in unexpected depths, it is possible to survive with slower, deliberate decisions.🐺

AKA: A panicked doggypaddle can mature into a controlled Wolfpaddle™!

Like so many, we started the closure with pure REACTIVITY. We immediately threw (and executed!) ideas at ideas at ideas until we were Lords of a strange idea junkyard filled with batshit t-shirts and livestreams and a model size Dynasty theater made of ripped cloth and paper clips. We have no regrets- a lot of great things came from the early frantic energy- but without taking a deep breath first we ended up pivoting so much we could have put on a maybe passable production of La Sylphide. (That's a ballet joke that Google DIDN'T help with.) But after a couple months, we were able to take a beat, assess where we were, and mellow into a steady, deep-water doggy paddle. By making the proactive decision to slow down the pace, we were able to take stock of what we were actually good at (livestreams yes! model size Dynasty no!), what our audience responded to the most, and what we actually LIKED doing (really important!)
 

LESSON 2: ⏰ YOU get to decide what is urgent. 🙏

AKA: Why borrow stress and anger from other people? You've got your own to wear, honey!

During the pandemic we were able to see how easily we can be influenced, and often overtaken, by the rhythm and energy of those around us. So when someone is screaming "URGENT!" at us, our first reaction has generally been "Yes, URGENT!" But someone else's "URGENT!" doesn't necessarily make it our "URGENT!" In fact, more often than not, it's far from it! That doesn't mean that we don't aim to deliver our signature, top-notch, "award winning" hospitality, but now we know more than ever that it's critical to first check in with ourselves and our actual priorities before getting sucked into someone else's.

LESSON 3: ✨ Keep your mission singular and the ways to express it limitless. ✨

AKA: Focused heart, flexible mind.

We’ve always said that Dynasty was more than a theater. We never thought proving that would be so.... drastic. But the last year has shown us that our mission (enchant the world!) can take on many shapes, and as long as the heart and energy behind those was genuine, Dynasty was exactly where it needed to be. And right now that's a progressive calendar company with a live-streaming arm, an e-teaching torso, and a foot soaking in a warn basin of quaran-corn-culture.
 

 LESSON 4: 🎁 Some of the best gifts are turd shaped. 🎁

AKA: Note to self: Don't eat THAT again.

No doubt about it, this year has dealt us a hefty amount of unpleasant things. But (speaking micro here) some of our toughest interactions and relationships were truly our best teachers. Remember in the midst of difficult times that these are lessons. Learn them as they are taught to you and you’ll be more prepared for life’s pop quizzes. When we catch ourselves in moments of resentment, we try to force ourselves to say thank you instead of flarp you (fuck you). Thank you for teaching us that lesson, shithead(s). Then we say it again and remove the “shithead” because, growth.

If you liked these, we've got another pile of lessons we'll share soon. If you hated them, we're sorry, I guess, but that doesn't affect the pile. And we're truly intrigued by how you could hate them and want to know more about what makes you tick! Send us your tick list?! 

Anyhoo! Happy Quaranversary to you and yours!

Be safe in there!

👯‍♀️, 
VanJam 

PS - We are honored to be one of only seven venues chosen to be included in this years online SXSW festival! We shot a special a couple of weeks ago with some of our favorite performers and an audience filled with Bob Baker Marionettes (thanks to Winona, Alex, and Missy!) and one of the author's of this newsies parents! The special was shot by darling Troy Conrad and above photo was taken by darling Matt Misisco. We'll post more photos and clips on our Instagram account soon!

HOPE, SWEAT, & SPAGNAUGHTTI

Dear darlings,

Jamie and Vanessa here. We’re taking a little break from our usual cheeky VanJam correspondence in an attempt to be our even MORE real, even MORE vulnerable selves! Even admitting that was vulnerable, so we think we’re off to a great start. Ok, here goes: Vanessa is dealing with bursitis (because she just turned 5,000 years old, happy birthday ya old cow!) and is starting to realize Emergen-C™ and very generic vodka might not be the “health drink” she’s always claimed it is. Meanwhile, Jamie has joined forces (had his first video medical appointment) with a (hot!) doctor to address his “anxiety related chest and nausea issues” and is desperately trying to sob/cry out whatever this internal unrest is that is constantly choking him. Any recommendations for a good film, piece of art, or Youtube clip to make the tears flow?? Email them to us! The good news is that all of these things equate to us building character.  So, honey, our characters are gonna come out of this whole thing STACKED (chicka bow wow!) Is this what vulnerability is? Admitting icky truths? We’ll try to add some other layers, but it feels RIGHT to start with a little humiliating self-deprecation. Being human, areweright?! Lol! crying emoji

Now that that’s out of the way, let us acknowledge: NEW FLARPIN’ PRESIDENT! A MADAM Vice President! A JEWISH Second Gentleman! The Bernie memes we NEEDED and then very quickly DIDN’T NEED! AMANDA GORMAN inspiring and LIGHTING us up! Covid begone, our bodies need to make room for YOUTH LAUREATE FEVER!

We, like many other people, are feeling like lil’ groundhogs, so excited to peep out into a new world as soon as it’s a world safe for lil’ groundhogs! There’s optimism and with that optimism comes a desire for inertia and the beginning of a reckoning with the last 10 months of a very bleak day-to-day.  

We’re feeling antsy and excited! And also realizing it’s going to take some time to get to where we want to go! Yes, we’re going to have to sit with these ants in our sweatpants (you're welcome for that #steamyvisual) for… a while?

So yeah, it’s us, Jamie and Vanessa. We are... owners of a theater. We are empathic, silly people who are also, somehow... business people? We didn’t start a theater for the #bigbucks or for the SHOCKINGLY expensive and well-tailored corporate wardrobes we [don’t] have [yet]; we started Dynasty because we genuinely (and if you know us you’ve heard it many, many times) want to enchant the world. So for the last 10 months we’ve been trying to keep on enchanting and we’ve gotten to do so many things we’re proud of and are going to keep doing that! And while we don’t know when this will end, or what it will look like when it ends, we are seeing good things happen. Sure, bursitis and insomnia suck, but on the flip side, Vanessa’s other shoulder is getting JACKED. And Jamie can rest easier knowing that some of the best ideas are born out of FEVER DREAMS created by PENT UP EMOTIONS. 

<<Cut to our newest Dynasty offering>> 

DYNASTY SPAGNAUGHTTI STIXXX: Basically, it’s your typical microwavable spaghetti on a stick...but when you’ve eaten the spaghetti off the stick there’s a VERY erotic joke waiting for you featuring a guaranteed NSFW noodle pun! Email us for a taste. :) IS THAT A SPAGNAUGHTTI IN YOUR POCKET, OR JUST **&**!*!*!  !*!*!#*! !#&*!*!  ? 

Anyhoo! From the bottom of our hearts, we want to THANK YOU, our truly beloved community, for all the support, and for pivoting with us yet again. For showing up for livestreams, making the comments section feel like the lobby with your banter, emailing us sweet things, and just being your sweet, , art n’ laughter loving damn selves while we all try to find the New Enchanting™ amidst the very yucky (but improving!) new normal.

Now we’d love to tell you about COOL THINGS because now that we can’t sell popcorn honey, COOL THINGS are our currency.

RACHEL BLOOM  will be on the second installment of the delightful Side Hustle Podcast LIVE Thursday January 28th! Get tickets to here the Crazy-Ex Girlfriend star  talk about humiliating side jobs she had before she made it big, along with the delightful hosts SARAH LOWE and CHELSEA PHILLIPS REID.

On Saturday, Jan 30th JUSTIN SAYRE’S Midnight Movie Collective is set to serve up another camp play… are you ready for the noir dish that is Eggs at Midnight?! Drama! Comedy! Adultery!  MURDER! Plus your favorite humans including DANIELLE GAITHER, SAM PANCAKE, and DREW DROEGE. 

LASTLY! A cool thing by people we love that we think you will love: SF Sketchfest presents Festpocalypse! We love San Francisco, we love SFsketchfest, and we love the flarpin’ folks who created it. They, like everyone in the live entertainment business are feeling the crunch (to put it lightly) of not being able to do what they do. BUT THEY ARE DOIN’ SOMETHING! Check out FESTPOCALYPSE January 30th . Get tickets and support SF Sketchfest and also watch comedy icons. You welcome, baby!

December Dygest: Ghosts, Love, and You

Hello Holiday Darlings, 

We hope you and your family thrived throughout Thanksgiving and the frenzied consumerist weekend that followed.  We had our own lovely, weird holiday weekend that was very in step with the whole 2020 vibe. 2020 vibe meaning this whole WHO KNOWS WHAT THE FLARP IS GONNA HAPPEN NEXT vibe. Take our Thanksgiving Eve for example: Usually we’re up to our elbows in vegetable prep and anxiety… this year, we were watching a Dynasty livestream and seeing a g’g’g’GHOST!??! **VIDEO PROOF HERE.** Yes, during CAMERON ESPOSITO’s Home For the All The Days livestream, things got ABSOLUTELY paranormal. Our very own Mary was promoted to Ghost Hunter Mary when she spotted the mysterious swooping light figure that seems to be the spirit of a graceful, fun-loving bat (we welcome other theories, but are really trusting our hunch on this one.) We can’t explain it and neither can our tech. It’s just the holiday gift n’ lift we needed, and we hope it will provide you a little adrenaline boost as well! (If you are a ghost hunter yourself or have any intel on how to speak to a ghost, please hit us up.) 

Speaking of gifts, lifts, and boosts… we’ll take JUST a moment to remind you of our 🦇BATSHIT SALES WEEK🦇 which is STILL HAPPENING (because we’re batty!) We’ve got alllll sorts of amazing offerings on merch, Dynasty on-demand shows and videos, classes, custom marquees and MORE. No pressure but we spent 2 million dollars that we borrowed from a scary gangster-type to produce this commercial promoting it so we REALLY NEED THIS SALE TO WORK or Mario is going to get ANGRY and when Mario gets angry... things… happen to skin and the places it’s supposed to be attached. Vital places. So yeah, um, shop the sale! 😎 😬 In a very chill way… THE STAKES ARE HIGH.. 

Speaking of high stakes (we played the card game Consistent Segue Phrase™ before writing this newsie and “speaking of” won!) here’s an earnest moment for you. [cue delicate piano tinklings] We, like everyone in the world, did not expect this pandemic to last so long. We did not expect to spend these nine months brainstorming, pivoting, learning new skills, and getting leaner as a company and softer as human bodies. We are Dynasty Typewriter, a place full of ideas and optimism and excitement that knows no bounds. We’ve come a long way and are excitedly building new “revenue streams” (fun business term!) to stay afloat - BUT - our income was very squarely rooted in selling physical tickets to shows in our space, which we are still unable to do. So if it’s within your budget, we’d love your support! To that end, we of course have all sorts of cool merch and experiences and now livestreams and classes available in our online shoppe, and we’ve also quietly created a GoFundMe where we humbly and pressurelessly (there has to be a better word for this but our quarantine brains are like, “Nah. You’ll take pressurelessly and if you search us again we’ll throw in the Family Matters theme song on repeat FOREVER.”) direct anyone interested in helping us survive this. We fully realize there are a myriad of worthy causes out there, but we do truly believe in the importance of independent venues. [delicate piano tinklings tinkling stronger!] Nurturing young artists, providing space for new voices, and cultivating intimate ephemeral experiences with performers that could otherwise fill stadiums are things we have the pleasure of doing regularly. Plus: Human expression is necessary for human evolution. We are so grateful for the past three years, and more than anything we want to keep going for three thousand more (MINIMUM.) We want to open our doors to you when it’s safe. We want to keep creating experiences online forever. We want to flarpin’ pop our ding-dang Dynapop and enjoy it with you. [delicate piano tinklings tinkle out sweetly]

Speaking of enjoying things with you (dannnng this segue is TRULY versatile!) we have some amazing shows coming up with just that purpose in mind. 

TODAY at 5:00 PST enjoy our monthly FREE dose of positive magic, Shout Out Show with special guests…. VANJAM?! We’re excited to go on and share our mantra with the SOS Sirens! We’re also excited to decide what our mantra is. And what to wear! TO OUR DRESSING CHAMBERS! EEK! 

Tomorrow, FRIDAY - we are thrilled to have emo-darlings Every Place I Cry (Off Book’s JESS MCKENNA and ZACH REINO + NICK MANDERNACH and ROSS BRYANT) back for a totally improvised emo concert. If you like music, comedy, feelings, talent, studded belts, flat ironed bangs and/or entertainment THIS IS YOUR SHOW. 

SATURDAY we welcome Wild Horses to tear up our pasture! Yes, LAUREN LAPKUS, MARY HOLLAND, STEPHANIE ALLYNE and ERIN WHITEHEAD are best friends who are also best showpeople. Watch them have a loose n’ lovely conversation with their special guest KATE MOENNIG (The L Word!) and then they’ll do an improv set and your life will be better off. It’s that simple. 

SUNDAY we have a collab with our favorite bookstore Skylight Books: The Desert Oracle book launch! Author/podcaster/myth expert/Mojave madman KEN LAYNE will be joined in conversation by author/journalist ANNA MERLAN. Get weird with them. 

MONDAY the infinitely lovable duo of LAUREN LAPKUS and PAUL F. TOMPKINS are BACK with another improv show packed with delights. Don’t miss their Christmas in December, because that would be dumb and we KNOW you’re smart because you wear glasses! 

Speaking of, 

VanJam