December Dygest: Ghosts, Love, and You
We hope you and your family thrived throughout Thanksgiving and the frenzied consumerist weekend that followed. We had our own lovely, weird holiday weekend that was very in step with the whole 2020 vibe. 2020 vibe meaning this whole WHO KNOWS WHAT THE FLARP IS GONNA HAPPEN NEXT vibe.
Hello Holiday Darlings,
We hope you and your family thrived throughout Thanksgiving and the frenzied consumerist weekend that followed. We had our own lovely, weird holiday weekend that was very in step with the whole 2020 vibe. 2020 vibe meaning this whole WHO KNOWS WHAT THE FLARP IS GONNA HAPPEN NEXT vibe. Take our Thanksgiving Eve for example: Usually we’re up to our elbows in vegetable prep and anxiety… this year, we were watching a Dynasty livestream and seeing a g’g’g’GHOST!??! **VIDEO PROOF HERE.** Yes, during CAMERON ESPOSITO’s Home For the All The Days livestream, things got ABSOLUTELY paranormal. Our very own Mary was promoted to Ghost Hunter Mary when she spotted the mysterious swooping light figure that seems to be the spirit of a graceful, fun-loving bat (we welcome other theories, but are really trusting our hunch on this one.) We can’t explain it and neither can our tech. It’s just the holiday gift n’ lift we needed, and we hope it will provide you a little adrenaline boost as well! (If you are a ghost hunter yourself or have any intel on how to speak to a ghost, please hit us up.)
Speaking of gifts, lifts, and boosts… we’ll take JUST a moment to remind you of our 🦇BATSHIT SALES WEEK🦇 which is STILL HAPPENING (because we’re batty!) We’ve got alllll sorts of amazing offerings on merch, Dynasty on-demand shows and videos, classes, custom marquees and MORE. No pressure but we spent 2 million dollars that we borrowed from a scary gangster-type to produce this commercial promoting it so we REALLY NEED THIS SALE TO WORK or Mario is going to get ANGRY and when Mario gets angry... things… happen to skin and the places it’s supposed to be attached. Vital places. So yeah, um, shop the sale! 😎 😬 In a very chill way… THE STAKES ARE HIGH..
Speaking of high stakes (we played the card game Consistent Segue Phrase™ before writing this newsie and “speaking of” won!) here’s an earnest moment for you. [cue delicate piano tinklings] We, like everyone in the world, did not expect this pandemic to last so long. We did not expect to spend these nine months brainstorming, pivoting, learning new skills, and getting leaner as a company and softer as human bodies. We are Dynasty Typewriter, a place full of ideas and optimism and excitement that knows no bounds. We’ve come a long way and are excitedly building new “revenue streams” (fun business term!) to stay afloat - BUT - our income was very squarely rooted in selling physical tickets to shows in our space, which we are still unable to do. So if it’s within your budget, we’d love your support! To that end, we of course have all sorts of cool merch and experiences and now livestreams and classes available in our online shoppe, and we’ve also quietly created a GoFundMe where we humbly and pressurelessly (there has to be a better word for this but our quarantine brains are like, “Nah. You’ll take pressurelessly and if you search us again we’ll throw in the Family Matters theme song on repeat FOREVER.”) direct anyone interested in helping us survive this. We fully realize there are a myriad of worthy causes out there, but we do truly believe in the importance of independent venues. [delicate piano tinklings tinkling stronger!] Nurturing young artists, providing space for new voices, and cultivating intimate ephemeral experiences with performers that could otherwise fill stadiums are things we have the pleasure of doing regularly. Plus: Human expression is necessary for human evolution. We are so grateful for the past three years, and more than anything we want to keep going for three thousand more (MINIMUM.) We want to open our doors to you when it’s safe. We want to keep creating experiences online forever. We want to flarpin’ pop our ding-dang Dynapop and enjoy it with you. [delicate piano tinklings tinkle out sweetly]
Speaking of enjoying things with you (dannnng this segue is TRULY versatile!) we have some amazing shows coming up with just that purpose in mind.
TODAY at 5:00 PST enjoy our monthly FREE dose of positive magic, Shout Out Show with special guests…. VANJAM?! We’re excited to go on and share our mantra with the SOS Sirens! We’re also excited to decide what our mantra is. And what to wear! TO OUR DRESSING CHAMBERS! EEK!
Tomorrow, FRIDAY - we are thrilled to have emo-darlings Every Place I Cry (Off Book’s JESS MCKENNA and ZACH REINO + NICK MANDERNACH and ROSS BRYANT) back for a totally improvised emo concert. If you like music, comedy, feelings, talent, studded belts, flat ironed bangs and/or entertainment THIS IS YOUR SHOW.
SATURDAY we welcome Wild Horses to tear up our pasture! Yes, LAUREN LAPKUS, MARY HOLLAND, STEPHANIE ALLYNE and ERIN WHITEHEAD are best friends who are also best showpeople. Watch them have a loose n’ lovely conversation with their special guest KATE MOENNIG (The L Word!) and then they’ll do an improv set and your life will be better off. It’s that simple.
SUNDAY we have a collab with our favorite bookstore Skylight Books: The Desert Oracle book launch! Author/podcaster/myth expert/Mojave madman KEN LAYNE will be joined in conversation by author/journalist ANNA MERLAN. Get weird with them.
MONDAY the infinitely lovable duo of LAUREN LAPKUS and PAUL F. TOMPKINS are BACK with another improv show packed with delights. Don’t miss their Christmas in December, because that would be dumb and we KNOW you’re smart because you wear glasses!
Speaking of,
VanJam
Dynasty Dygest
Darrrlinnnngs!!!
What is this!? Are we feeling…. OPTIMISTIC?! Haven’t tried this look on in a minute and honestly, it doesn’t drape naturally on our expanding Quarantine forms... BUT WE’RE WEARING IT ANYWAY!
Darrrlinnnngs!!!
What is this!? Are we feeling…. OPTIMISTIC?! Haven’t tried this look on in a minute and honestly, it doesn’t drape naturally on our expanding Quarantine forms... BUT WE’RE WEARING IT ANYWAY! We encourage you to take a moment, blast your favorite song and join us in an awkwardly buoyant 💃🚶🏿♂️ 📸 STRUT 😬 📸 around your workspace/livingspace/bunker. Don’t worry - other news (virus, potential coup, creepy stuff happening within dept. of defense) is still dependably troubling, so we’ve still got our bearings!
OTHER THINGS WORTH MENTIONING:
✨ It’s 11/11! Make a wish, it’s a lucky day! 😘 ✨
What makes 11/11 lucky? Firstly, so many flarpin’ ONES! Secondly, today marks the 31st anniversary of Jamie’s bar mitzvah! VanJam believes that anniversaries of rites of passage open new portals of passage so consider this an invitation to make a wish to talk to a fish or make a wish to pop a wheelie on Pluto. (The former planet OR the Disney pup OR BOTH!)
If your WISH involved seeing CHRIS STEDMAN in conversation with JOEL KIM BOOSTER omg, the universe was flarpin’ EXPEDIENT because that’s TONIGHT! Whoah! We’re partnering with our fave bookie babies Skylight Books, and we’re so excited to listen to a conversation between two really smart interesting people. Chris founded the Yale Humanist Community and was a Humanist Chaplin at a lil’ old place called Harvard. His new book, IRL, is an exploration of authenticity in the digital age. If you know Dynasty, you know we’re all about flarpin’ connection and authenticity and seeing that our entire lives have shifted to the internet lately, yeahhhh we’re going to be listening. Also, Joel is the best and he and Chris share a lot of interesting life similarities and we can’t wait to listen tonight. Join us and feel like you’re sitting at the cool kids’ table AND the smart kids’ table from the comfort of your own bed.
TOMORROW we’re excited for the premiere of The Side Hustle, a podcast that explores the weird jobs you HAVE to work while trying to get the jobs you WANT. Have you ever dressed as sexy Dorothy for a one year old’s Wizard of Oz themed birthday party? Been paid to interrupt a business meeting by singing “I’ve got a feeling”? If jobs like this have crushed your soul…this can inflate it again! Join CHELSEA PHILLIPS REID (Magic Mike LIVE, VEGAS!) and SARAH LOWE (Gloria Bell, The Apple Sisters) as they chat with comedian LONDON HUGHES.
DIDJA KNOW?! We’re still offering PRIVATE QUARANTINE DREAM NIGHTS! You and your pod (up to 9) will have our beautiful, historic 200 seat Dynasty theater all to yourselves as you safely and glamorously watch a film of your choosing on our BIG BEAUTIFUL movie screen instead of atop a sea of crumbs in your bed! Yes, you can celebrate, eat DynaPop! (that someone else will sweep up after you leave) and GET OUT OF THE FLARPIN’ HOUSE! Can you even imagine? Well, of course you can. Now ENJOY!
PLUS! If your ears are hungry, we just released the 6th episode of The Dynasty Typecast! Don’t know what that is? You’re not alone! We’re keeping it very mysterious because we’re “two of the most self-conscious people on the planet” (Forbes). But something is building and it’s.. incredible skyscrapers. (You’re not supposed to know what that means.)
PLUS! If your OUTER BODY is hungry, might we suggest our gorgeous new Enchantamerchity Fashion Line? GLAMOR. SOFT MATERIALS. HOT, MYSTERIOUS EMBLEMS! It’s everything GUCCI or OLD NAVY wishes it could be! We like to think!
PLUS! If your INNER BODY is hungry, we suggest chewing FOOD and escorting it down your throat with non-toxic LIQUID.
DARLINGS WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!!
VanJam
See Their Names
This Sunday we will be holding an all-day event at the theater: SEE THEIR NAMES.
Starting at sunrise, the Dynasty marquee will be used to list the names of over 100 Black folx killed by police brutality. If you’d like to participate in this effort in any way, please let us know. We invite you to join the vigil anytime after 5 am; you can take part by putting up a name, bringing signs, flowers, or candles, or by simply witnessing and showing your support.
If you prefer to be given a time slot, email us and we will do our best to accommodate. We will be wearing masks and practicing social distancing.
Reggie Watts, Jackie Tohn + More! Go! Day
We did another edition of Go! Day live featuring Reggie Watts, Jackie Tohn, and more!
Sunday we did the second of our now-weekly Go! Day livestream and, wow what a difference a week makes! JAMIE and VANESSA kept it tighter! SAMEE had the tech even more on point! We had a drop in from REGGIE WATTS from the comforts of his home studio, BRENT FORRESTER gave us more insight and guidance on how to live a project driven life (and let us know about Jonah Hill’s quarantine revelations!), we danced with single-issue candidate ATSUKO OKATSUKA (“Stay hot, America!”) and we had stellar chats with CHASE DUROUSSO (who outed himself as a Paul Newman fanboi), JACKIE TOHN who speaks more Yiddish than anyone we know and has access to two incredibly cute dogs (wow.) We featured scorchin’🔥Dyna Pop-centric videos from magician TAYLOR HUGHES and madman MATT O’BRIEN, who will be guests on this coming Sunday’s Go! Day along with our favorite BETH STELLING! We’re so excited for these Go! Days and we hope you’ll join us for a dose of creative connection & absurd inspiration. They are all FREE to watch on YouTube, just RSVP here with code GOFREE. Any purchase of a ticket helps us stay afloat, and also gets you access to a PDF with notes from the major takeaways from the episode- great for creatives! Another FREE way to help: SUBSCRIBE to our channel! Quick and easy and very appreciated by us. We never predicted we’d be pushin’ a youtube channel but there are a LOT of things going on that we never predicted at this point, most notably running a theater at a time that group gatherings are deadly. Pretty badass sounding, but in real life… just really weird and sad. So “LIKE COMMENT SUBSCRIBE!” Makeup tutorials, unboxing vids, and skateboard fails coming soon! (Jk… we THINK!)
Everything's Perfect! Vol.1 — A Dynasty Playlist
Check out our first official Dynasty Playlist!
Well it’s officially been over a month since our last show at the theater; since we felt the thrill of a full house; since the last kernels of DynaPop! were smashed by our naive teeth and made their way down our blissfully ignorant throats. Oh, if only we knew what was coming we would’ve CHERISHED those bites. Ah, the things we’ve taken for granted. We’re optimistic that we’ll be reunited with that enchanted Dynasty corn someday soon and will appreciate it more than ever. Until then we’ll be chompin’ subpar popQuarn, lighting our at-home battery operated candles, sparkin’ up our incense matches, and listening to our first Dynasty curated quarantine Spotify playlist, named Everything is Perfect Vol. 1. That’s right, we’ve eschewed the popular (read: basic) approach to quarantine themed playlists (Don’t Stand So Close To Me, ok ok, we get it.) in favor of pure batshit DELUSION! Our mix is crafted to take you on a ride from pre-pandemic bliss party to planetary record scratch moment to the maniacal laughter of the now. We recommend listening to it in tandem with our Dynasty At-Home Souvenir pack, available in our online Souvenir Shoppe! Souvenirs: “No longer just for getting when you at places.”
A Loving Quaraspondence
Pandemic Survival Discoveries + A Dynasty Livestream!
Darlings,
How nice it is to sit and write to you! We hope it’s nice to receive, and that you’re in a good happy space and that you’re healthy and have been using your at home time to go on *an epic inward journey of self-discovery* and that you’ve discovered at least three new things to love and or to love about yourself, or just discovered something interesting! If you haven’t yet, we CHALLENGE you!
Some examples from our own lives:
Turns out, Vanessa loves to paint with watercolors! And she’s also very bad at it, with no real interest in the discipline it would take to improve. But she’s so bad that the very fact that she still loves it despite her lack of skill is actually loveable! Good news: you can thoroughly, shamelessly enjoy things you’re rotten at! Another discovery is that lavender, while seemingly hearty, is actually kind of tricky to care for. Is it drooping because it’s over watered? Drooping because it’s thirsty? A quick google ('net search) provides the horrible news that: both are equally possible. Will she kill it with thirst or kill it by drowning? Or will they get to know each other and somehow both learn some important lessons in the process? That the lavender, bought to soothe her nerves is bringing on near hourly waves of panic in Vanessa is the ultimate flarpin’ irony. Will Vanessa’s lavender survive? While this isn’t the first time Vanessa has become neurotically involved with one of her house plants, it IS the most intense. Please send good vibes to Lavidia*. *The ailing plant.
Jamie meanwhile has stayed incredibly busy playing with sculpting clay and miniature animals and babies. He made a little video about a baby climbing a mountain (to save humanity obv). THEN, shortly after that, he was reading an article on how to love himself (just to brush up, definitely no major issues coming to light in self isolation) and the article randomly asserted that “asking a person who only knows conditional love to give you unconditional love is like… expecting a baby to climb a mountain.” He’s still meditating on the significance of that, but let’s be clear, it’s significant as flarpin’ flarp. He also made the time to discover that he surprisingly enjoyed Danny Boyle’s romantic comedy Yesterday, despite never wanting to see it pre-pandemic. Don’t get him wrong, there are some major plot holes and glaring missed opportunities with the premise, but if you’re looking for a lighthearted high concept romp to connect to some deep feelings while eating handfuls of walnuts and raisins (which we can all agree is the official healthy snack of quarantine 2020), this is one of 600 currently available on 158 streaming platforms. Perhaps most importantly, he also figured out that the name “boxer shorts” is derived from shorts worn by actual boxers which felt absolutely revelatory until he told some “friends” about it in his 38th Zoom chat of the day, and was met with blank nods as they waited for what the big news was. “Fuck ‘em!” he said as he muted himself, between walnut raisin swallows. To top that off, Jamie’s doorbell rang yesterday and it was his neighbor (not the cokehead with 18 pack abs - the one in the apt on the other side. You know, the crankhead with an 18 pack of Cuckoo), who scolded him for throwing away the mail he received from the US Census Bureau. As much as Jamie is craving human connection right now, he didn’t ask for that interaction in his life. But it happened, and now it’s for all of us to contemplate.
We BOTH discovered (along with the rest of the world) that Netflix docu-series Tiger King is an unbelievable carnival of narcissism, with impossibly bizarre humans using big cats as bait to create cult followings and con vulnerable people into indentured servitude, sexy-zoo style. In other words: ! We hope the afterlife of the main cast consists of an eternity of revenge-style reckonings with big cats who are finally free to do as they wish. (This feels like too mean of a thing to waste our time and wishes on, and like completely un-Dynasty, so maybe strike that from the record. But we DO wish that humans were kinder to animals or left them all together alone.) **SPOILERS AHEAD** A few other takeaways: floral crowns are cancelled, contracts of marriage should not be entered under duress or the influence of meth, for godsakes never trust a man named Bhagavan, breast implants should only be pursued for personal reasons; not to accrue sick days, getting your arm torn off is the ultimate way to accrue sick days AND zoo cred in big cat world so flarpin’ milk that, and if you’re a Walmart guns-section floor manager and a wildly unstable man asks you to manage his campaign… SAY NO. Even if campaign management is your dream, THIS IS THE WRONG CAMPAIGN. CHOOSE ANOTHER ADVENTURE. LEAVE OKLAHOMA, LEAVE THE AMMO SECTION OF WALMART AND FIND YOUR PEOPLE, JOSHUA. **END OF SPOILERS**
Another mutual discovery: we’re feeling the true gravity of this time IN WAVES. We’re cycling through complicated emotions constantly; mourning for the world, feeling flashes of our own small every-day grief, frustration, numbness and denial, but still, gratefully, finding joy in connecting with others and of course the therapy of laughter. When we put on shows at the theater (which was somehow only three weeks and a lifetime ago) we took the responsibility and privilege of having people in our space and on the stage very seriously. And we’re very excited to be able to do that again for all of you, because we now have even more clarity on the importance of human connection, a reinvigorated excitement to create beautiful experiences, and heaps of gratitude for everything that’s happened in our lives to-date.
Until we can open our doors to you again, know that our hearts (AWWW!!!) remain open and welcoming and are just getting mushier all the time. Lots more below (including so many great new graphics from our graphics man Dan), so keep reading, follow us on Instagram, and we truly love you all!
— Jamie + Vanessa
Our First Pandemic
Dearest Darlings-
Like so many other places, we have decided to close our doors for public shows until further notice.
But we will persevere!
AND SO WILL YOU! Please take care of yourself and your loved ones, make those difficult calls in the name of safety and health knowing that it’s truly for the good of humanity, and remember that at some point in the not-so-distant future we’ll all be looking around, hugging each other, and impressed that we were able to flarpin’ overcome.
As for us? As it is our foremost mission to entertain, enchant and inspire, we're actively looking for new ways to achieve those goals in a time where it is arguably needed more than ever. Oh, and also we’re gonna desperately try to STAY AFLOAT (given that we’re a business that, to this point, has been based on the gathering of humans).
If you’re a fan of what we do and would like to help us and are in a position to (please don’t stretch yourself!) we’d really, really appreciate your support. We want to weather this and we also truly want to keep making magical things for our amazing community because it’s our whole flarpin’ life’s purpose and that’s not even hyperbole. Oh, how we WISH our life’s purpose was running Amazon! Or being the worst president ever! Or that we were Mr. Paul Purell and Ms. Linda Lysol!
BUT WE’RE #DYNASTY ‘TIL WE #DY! (HOPEFULLY IN 80+ YEARS!)
Ways you can support Dynasty during this pandemic:
Get a ticket (as many as you wish!) to support Dynasty. This ticket will gain you first ACCESS to updates on li
ve streams, podcasts, and the other creative projects we’ll undertake as we navigate this shift. Your ticket purchase will help us survive this time and keep us ready for a quick rebound! You can look forward to these things starting to pop up as early as next week!Shop in our online souvenir shoppe! Get a Dynast-Tee or enamel pin to wear around the living room. Or grab a Dynasty gift card! We’ll open again at some point, and hey! You can use your gift card then!
Tune in! Watch as we spread our production company wings (without spreading germs!) and start… producing things! Your spirit, feedback, likes, and shares will let us know what to make more of (and what to put out of its misery.)
Be patient and calm. We’re all experiencing this for the first time. Let’s all make a DynastyBuddyPact™ to be kind and understanding.
Pop Your Own DynaPop (PYODP) Will it be the same? Plainly put: no. Will it still be corn? Sure. And that’s something.
More to come on new creative developments, but in the meantime be safe, be healthy, find joy, and be kind to one another.
VanJam
Dynasty Dygest: March 10th
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stuff because there are a great deal of things that are still normal. In fact, take a moment to look around you and realize how okay and functional (or at least normally dysfunctional) things still are. <<Take a few deep breaths.>> You got this! We got this! We love you! We truly hope you are all safe, healthy, and making choices that allow you to feel secure while still enjoying your life. Here at the theater, we’re well aware of the intense vibrations of the time, and we’re taking extra care regarding all cleaning protocol (which, to be clear, has always been a very high priority here because we want aim to enchant, and enchantment needs to SPARKLE baby!) and also have created a NEW position (because sooooomeone has to bolster this economy!) entitled Grand Sanitizer, who walks the line in Safety Dress dispensing hand sanitizer to the audience before they enter the building. In short, we’re taking this very seriously but we remain committed to “the art of the experience.” (Also the title of an e-book we’re working on. The “e” is a triple threat in this case: it stands for “enchantment, experience, and electronic. PRETTY FLARPIN’ COOL, RIGHT?!)
(honestly, our #1 top favorite dreamform™). Adam Sandler lives up to his hype, and his performances were a reminder of why #Sandlergate happened in the first place; he’s so damn good at what he does that a person would rightfully be ENRAGED to miss an opportunity to see him. Sunday night ROB SCHNEIDER was a surprise guest to the delight of everyone. The show was amazing and chock full of new material and songs…. HOW DOES HE DO IT?!
Dynasty Dygest: Feb 25th
Whitmer Thomas! Mary Beth Barone! Byron Bowers! and more!
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Slice o’ Heav’n: Saturday’s Dynasty Tonight! was an epic pageant of talent and also a parade of our staff! Pizza was consumed! Headliners shone! Magic astounded! Our carpet had to be moved to accommodate the fake severing of a fake conjoined twin so the fake blood could really drip on the stage.
FORRESTER, painter/performer TAYLOR BOS and more! Potentially... WAY MORE. 
